Author’s Note:- Basically I don’t own any of the characters used in this fic. The Walt Disney Company does. So don’t sue me, you won’t get much as I have little money being the poor student that I am, and what little I have is a loan from the government that I have to pay back. My debt you will be welcome to.

Any character which appears here that is not from Talespin is mine*.

Oh yeah, the timing is two years after Plunder & Lightening after Kit returns to Karnage because of being caught fiddling the books at Higher for Hire, paying himself a large amount of money and he jumped bail.

By

Ben Gingell

Don Karnage, Captain of the air pirates, feared by many, laughed at by some and loved by others, stood with his face millimetres from that of his trembling protégé, not out of fear. No, but out of anger. For the last twenty minutes they had argued about the planned attack, the captain thinking it would all go well and his protégé pointing out the flaws. Not with this boy suggesting a plan claiming it was better than his. Karnage had lost his temper. So did the boy. The result was an argument that could be heard nearly all over the Iron Vulture. Now they just stared at each other. Kit trembling with anger and Karnage resting his throat from the yelling.

"At least my idea is new and original, not like yours which you have tried before and nearly got the Iron Vulture destroyed by the cliff guns." Kit said as calmly as he could, while staring into Karnage’s eyes. He could feel the captain’s breath on his face and knew by the speed he was breathing that he was beginning to calm down.

"Yes, but it will not work. Your ideas never work you….thinker of bad ideas you." Karnage said as he walked back over towards his desk.

Kit threw his hand up in desperation, then brought them back down, and he rubbed his chin as he thought.

"Okay then…how about a small money wager?"

"A wager? Money?" Karnage’s ears turned towards the boy who had spoken his favourite word, apart from treasure, Karnage, gold, diamonds, wealth, plunder and Scarlet."

"Yes….I bet you…um…." Kit thought quickly "One thousand times the contents of my wallet that my attack will work better than yours. If my attack wins, you pay up. If I lose I pay up." Kit hoped that the captain didn’t ask to see what was in his wallet as all he had in there was a boiled sweet, a public pay phone token and a few pieces of fluff. It would be cheap if he lost, but if he won he would stuff it full of all the cash he had hidden away.

Karnage thought for a while. He knew the boy had money as he gave him an allowance, though he had often sneaked into his room to try and steal it back but he could never find it. He knew the boy hadn’t spent it yet as they hadn’t landed anywhere where he could so it had to be in his wallet. His sense of greed began to grow. This would be easy money. Of course the boy’s plan wouldn’t work. He, Don Karnage hadn’t thought of it. Turning to the boy he calmed down a lot. "Done. I hope you have the cash ready. I don’t accept cheques unless they are made out to His Royal Highness Don Karnage Air Pirate King MBE."

"Okay we do it my way." An evil looking grin began to form across Kit’s face as he approached the desk and began to explain his plan to his captain.

"See anything George?" Andrew asked.

"Nothing interesting. A few stars, some clouds and what looks like Baloo’s plane." George replied as he put his binoculars down and lent against one of the cliff guns.

"Going to be a quiet night." He continued.

On the bridge of the Iron Vulture, Karnage reclined in his chair while Kit looked out the front window with a pair of binoculars. The rest of the bridge crew looked nervous. They had been told this was the boy’s idea and were a little worried by it, but then again it couldn’t possibly be worse than what the captain normally comes out with.

"Cape Suzette dead ahead captain" Kit reported.

"I just love the way you say "dead" there my boy. Reminds me of my youth when my pet rabbit died." Karnage sat there with a vacant expression on his face "Mr Fluffy bunny I still miss you."

Kit raised an eyebrow at the strange remark then decided to ignore it.

"Hey look at this" George said suddenly to his companion. "I’ve know Karnage try some stupid things, but this has to be the most bizarre thing he has ever tries to do."

"He’s crazy you know?" Andrew replied as he began to put a shell into the cliff gun while George picked up the phone to alert the air field of a possible incoming attack.

"Okay my boy, begin your foolish attempt to get into the city." Karnage said while trimming his toe nails.

"Ready?" George asked.

"Ready!" came his reply.

******

"Well that was simple enough.." a very proud Kit said turning to his opened mouth captain who stared in amazement at the scene around the Iron Vulture.

All the cliff guns had been destroyed, and the remains of the air forced were either floating on the surface of the harbour, sinking to the bottom or at the bottom. The whole city was at the pirate’s mercy.

While Karnage was staring out on of the bridge windows Kit removed the $500 he had in cash tucked up under his jumper and put it in his wallet.

"Uh remember our wager?" Kit asked.

"Oh yes, what was it again? Ten times what is in your wallet?"

"More like a thousand times." Kit replied with a stubborn look.

"Well my boy how much is in there?"

Kit showed him the money and watched as Karnage went a paler colour for a few seconds, then his colour returned.

"I guess you get the first half million of plundered nick nacks then."

Through a PA system a voice boomed over the city.

"Ahem, good people of Cape Suzette this is the great and powerful air pirate king Don Karnage, speaking to you with my voice. You may remember me from a few years back, but all you did was shoot at me. That wasn’t very nice so I’m back to get my revenge. I want you all to get all your valuable diamond and gold type things and have them ready for us to plunder……what do you want?"

Kit was tapping Karnage on the shoulder. "Uh Captain, we only ever plunder, could we do something else while we are here as well?"

"Like what?"

"I don’t know…go and see a film at the cinema? Get a takeaway...I remember there is this great place where Baloo used to get...." Kit suggested only to realise he was talking to Karnage’s back.

"Be quite you silly boy, I have just had a great idea. We always plunder, so while we are here lets do something different. We are all going on dates."

"Dates?"

"Dates!"

"As in girls?"

"Are you stoopid or something, yes as in with girls?"

"Oh..." Kit ran back to his quarters to brush his hair and make himself look nice.

The PA system came back on.

"People of Cape Suzette, you are indeed fortunate, not only will you be plundered by me Don Karnage but one of you will be lucky enough to go on a date with me. The rest will have to make do with my crew. I will be coming down now to collect my rightfully belonging things."

As the planes began to descend a crowd began to form. The leading plane landed and Karnage jumped out, Kit crawled onto the top wind from the co pilot seat to watch his captain at work. He got out a note book and pencil to make notes.

"This is wonderful." Karnage said walking along the street. Before pointing at a bank "Maddog, Dumptruck rob that bank"

As the two morons ran off towards the bank the crowd surged forward. All of them female and all of them screaming.

"Ah my adoring fans….I will now chose…..arrrrgggghhhh!"

Kit lost sight of the captain in the sea of moving bodies. He stifled a laugh.

In the crowd things were not going as funnily.

"O Donny Wonny will you come out to dinner with me…"

"I just LOVE men in blue"

"Look at my bottom at tell me if it is the best thing you have ever seen."

"No, my bottom is better"

"How dare you say that?"

"FIGHT"

Karnage’s head began to spin as he was pulled this way and that and with the girls fighting, he decided it was time to make a swift exit.

"Kit, my boy….HELP MEE!!" He jumped up and yelled before being pulled back into the crowd again.

Kit jumped from the plane and began to walk down a conveniently located alleyway.

"Where are you going? Help your captain in his hour of need….yes my dear all my chest hair is real…oh yours is too. How interesting….HELP!!!"

Kit could hear the screams of the captain above those of the girls as he saw what he was looking for. He picked it up and slowly walked back towards the now near riot as girls fought each other to be near their hero.

"Hey ladies…..have a rat." Kit said as he placed the rat on the ground only for it to run off in the wrong direction.

"Do something better….yes you have a lovely moustache my dear, no madam don’t put your hand there….I ….aaa…..eee…..stop please.."

Kit caught the rat again and this time threw it into the crowd where it landed atop Karnage’s head. One seeing this the girls around him instantly fell back allowing the battered pirate space to walk back to his plane.

Kit had to laugh as he saw the state he was in. There was lip stick all over his face, his clothes were ripped one rip was in a very suggestive place and still atop his head sat the rat. The unique sound of police sirens could be heard now rapidly approaching their location. Mad Dog and Dump Truck were in the process of being arrested.

"My boy….this has been both your best……and worst idea.." Karnage informed him as he removed the rat and inadvertently gave Kit a couple of fleas he picked up somewhere in the crowd, and began to pilot the plane back to the Iron Vulture only to find it was now being towed away by Khan jet fighter planes which got here faster than anyone knew about, because no one knew about them.

"Oh, lets go home…" Karnage said in a form of shock as he allowed his protege to pilot the plane back, while he curled up in his seat sucked his thumb and began to cry.

"Why doesn’t anything go well for me? Ever?"

Then Kit had a question "Captain, what will Scarlet say when she finds out? I mean look at the state of you. And where’s my half a million bucks?"

The tears flowed for a few hours after that.

End.